Online Dating for Christians?

This is a reality for us in the 21st century, and guess what? No surprise. It’s not covered in the Bible!

What we can look at though is what is covered in the Bible. I immediately think of the verse “guard your heart above all things for out it flow the wellsprings of life.” Proverbs 4:23

“Promise me, O women of Jerusalem, not to awaken love until the time is right.”
‭‭Song of Songs‬ ‭8:4‬ ‭NLT‬‬

We can also see in Song of Solomon where it repeatedly says not to awaken love until the time is right. How do we know when the time is right? When God has released us to do so.

“Promise me, O women of Jerusalem, by the gazelles and wild deer, not to awaken love until the time is right.”
‭‭Song of Songs‬ ‭2:7‬ ‭NLT‬‬

Easier said than done to hear Gods voice in an area that is shouter at you louder than any other voice. The desire for marriage can be so so strong and we know it is holy and pure and good but…in its proper time.

I believe it is far too easy to assess our life and our age and say “ok, I’m ready!” Then we can put ourselves in some painful situations that God didn’t put us in outside of His proper time.

My warning here is that online dating takes out a lot of the natural elements of seeing someone in a platonic, normal environment and observing them and getting to know them and having your friends even assess with you. Online dating skips right into the intentional part where you’re saying “I’m interested in dating and you’re interested in dating so let’s see where this goes.”

“If she is a virgin, like a wall, we will protect her with a silver tower. But if she is promiscuous, like a swinging door, we will block her door with a cedar bar.”
‭‭Song of Songs‬ ‭8:9‬ ‭NLT‬‬

The Song of Solomon woman had her friends and brothers observing with her and speaking into her life in the area of purity. I think we need community to help us see this person with us with clear eyes. A lot of the times our vision can be skewed when we are too close to the person or have feelings already.
Mind you, when you’re online dating you can absolutely bring the guy/girl you’re seeing around your friends and have them assess but by that stage you’ve been talking to them one on one online and maybe been on a one on one date (or two) and established a connection. If things aren’t where they should be you’re further along than you would be organically meeting. So it’s harder (not impossible) to break things off at that point.

Definitely not saying online dating is bad for the Christian but definitely saying that greater wisdom and prayer needs to be wrapped around it for you.

It is a great tool in our modern age that can be helpful for those who feel led to do so. I would ask yourself a few questions first and really ponder:

  • has God cleared me to start dating?
  • do I hope to find a serious partner or am I just wanting to meet a couple people?
  • have I established my boundaries with this?
    • Chat for at least a week before meeting, have a friend look over his/her profile with you and see your conversation, talk on the phone before meeting in person, when you do meet – be in a public area at a good time of daylight, make sure close people are aware of what you are doing, maybe even set a time limit on that first meeting.

Online dating can be like adopting a child. (Haha) let me explain! I have seen that when people start online dating and putting themselves out there, they finally meet someone organically through friends or out and about naturally. Commonly like adopting a child, people adopt a child and then suddenly they’re pregnant after trying for years! Maybe it’s a heart thing? Only God knows.

I personally have jumped ahead of God in the area of thinking I’m ready to do online dating when God didn’t speak it to me. I had good boundaries and rules surrounding it but at the end of the day, you are jumping ahead a few paces when you do decide to online date so it’s harder to see clearly from so close up and your friends/family can’t see what you are seeing to help speak into it because you’re further along than they know. Feelings are involved etc.

I also have friends who have done online dating and it’s just so much more of a pleasant experience when you invite God into it heavily and ask friends and mentors to just be apart of it with you.

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek his will in all you do, and he will show you which path to take.”
‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭3:5-6‬ ‭NLT‬‬

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