A safety net against making mistakes. Limits. Setting limits creates freedom. Let me explain…
If you have no boundaries or very low boundaries then just about anything can go in relationship. Then, you’re kind of victim to circumstances as they come your way. You’re not put in a position to decide but situations are thrown at you and you have no recourse, no plan of action.
If we have no plan, then you might as well plan to fail. A plan of action in relationships is setting boundaries ahead of time.
Especially in male/female relationships we have to be people of good boundaries! The enemy loves to prey on those who are wide open and defenseless to his attacks.
Someone with little or no boundaries may be caught off guard when someone starts future planning with you on the very first date. Weird? Yes. A boundary though? Not clear. Someone may go with it and say “yeah, I’ll tell you my future plans and where I see you/us in that picture in that time.” Not wise.
A very subtle example but also a heart issue. Now your heart is susceptible to dream or plan this person into your future that you don’t even know yet!
“Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.”
Proverbs 4:23 NLT
Someone who has read some books on dating and boundaries would know how to divert the question and find other non-obtrusive ways to get to know that person on a first date without future planning them in.
“Let your conversation be gracious and attractive so that you will have the right response for everyone.”
Colossians 4:6 NLT
Boundaries in dating are so wise. Some great examples to consider are:
- Create a curfew for yourself to be home by.
- Create a phone call curfew for yourself to not be on the phone late at night.
- Decide ahead of time how long that first date will be.
- Always tell a friend/mentor who you’re hanging out with.
- If you’re officially dating/courting always decide to have someone there with the two of you.
- How much do you share in the beginning stages about your past relationships and when to share it?
- Discuss your physical boundaries pretty early on so the other party knows.
If you tell this person some of your boundaries (the physical ones at least should be discussed fairly early on) and if they still encroach on them (maybe not with their words but with how their actions play out), decide to be done with it as soon as it happens. Boundaries are so important to protect us from such people who don’t respect them.
Some people might laugh or say your boundaries are ridiculous. That’s fine, they are just showing you that they don’t have the same moral compass you do and you can decide to drop them.
If we think we are going to be in relationships and not have boundaries in relationships (even in Christian dating) then we have a lot of trouble coming! Be wise, keep your peace and learn early on to create boundaries, exercise them and this will be so eye opening to who is good and not good for you.
“So be careful how you live. Don’t live like fools, but like those who are wise.”
Ephesians 5:15 NLT